This is another in a series of brief Civic Way journal entries about current issues, and their relevance to broader issues of democracy, governance and America’s future. The author, Bob Melville, is the founder of Civic Way, a nonprofit dedicated to good government, and a management consultant with over 45 years of experience improving public agencies.
We are drawn to fame, fashion and glitter, but they can distract us from things that matter.
Last week, as millions watched the live Academy Awards show, Hollywood icon Will Smith slapped comic icon Chris Rock in the face (and suggested in earnest terms—twice—that Rock keep his wife’s name “out of his mouth”). It was an odd moment, made all the more surreal by Smith’s acceptance of the Best Actor award for his superb performance in “King Richard.”
The incident has dominated the news and Twitter verse since. It is hard to find anyone without an opinion. It is even harder to grasp why it matters so much to so many.
The reactions have flowed like lava. Sides taken. Team Smith versus Team Rock. Black versus White (thank you Jeanine Pirro). Men versus Women. Good taste versus free expression. OJ Simpson even shared his universally unwanted opinion. In the days that followed, the slap probably garnered more attention than the war in Ukraine (Was Putin watching?).
Some have asked what might have happened if Smith had slapped someone else. A White man? A Black Woman? Mel Gibson? Tiffany Haddish? Howard Stern? August Alsina? The (other) Rock? With our nation—and the world—facing such turmoil, are these really the questions we need to answer?
Regrettably, the slap saga shows no signs of fading. The Academy has launched an investigation. Smith has resigned from the Academy. Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, has called for "healing,” for whom it remains unclear. Moments after the attack, Smith accepted his Oscar. After a weepy, self-absorbed acceptance speech blaming “love” for his behavior, Smith received an ovation.
Later that evening, Will Smith's son, Jaden Smith, tweeted, "And That's How We Do It."
Do what exactly? Public tantrums? Coarse threats? Trash talk? Arrogant assaults? Mansplaining? Unbridled displays of entitlement?
Was the incident just another ugly spectacle of the elite and entitled? There certainly has been no shortage of inexcusable (if not numbing) conduct from the rich and famous. Donald Trump. Alec Baldwin. Donald Trump Jr. Hunter Biden. Ginny Thomas. The Cuomo boys. The list goes on.
But blaming others is too easy.
The truth is that the petulant Will Smith who made an ass of himself in front of millions lurks in all of us. Anger is everywhere and it is all too efficient. It can override common sense in a nanosecond.
Anti-social behavior is getting worse. Rising crime. Reckless driving. Punching gate agents. Screaming obscenities. Threatening healthcare workers (formerly our heroes). Picketing public officials at their homes and in front of their children. Calling total strangers vile names for doing their jobs (like enforcing mask mandates).
We could make excuses. The pandemic brought overwhelming stress and the fraying of social bonds. Rising prices, crime and gun sales are bringing even more anxiety. Our toxic politics breed unprecedented levels of distrust and rage. And, if rudeness is contagious, social media have emerged as the ultimate spreader.
What will they do? The Academy could rescind Smith’s Oscar. Smith could return the Oscar. Rock could request a rematch. Smith and his wife could start honoring their marriage vows. Hollywood is notoriously sanctimonious and hypocritical. Should we really care what they do?
What really matters is not what they do, but what we do. Forget the slap. Stop fueling the story with our tweets. Stop wasting our time debating what should be done about Will Smith, Jada Pickett Smith or Chris Rock, for that matter. These multi-millionaires will be just fine.
Instead, perhaps we should start acting the way we would like others to act. Show a little humility. Listen to different opinions. Be humble. Be kind.
The next time we get together with family or friends whose views offend us. The next time our elected leaders convene to confirm a justice or discuss a bill.
At the very least, let’s try to be civil.
How true it is to listen, listen and listen to both sides and then amicably state your thoughts. Diplomacy 01